Fly away to Omaha

There is nothing that scares me more on this earth than an expanse of water that is 8 feet wide and 50 meters long.  I have had some hard-bitten dudes point firearms at me in Guatemala.   I have rappelled 100s of feet down into black holes in the ground.  I've ridden a mountain bike off of stuff that would give a billy goat vertigo.  I am no stranger to dumb-ass nail biter stuff.  Having said all that, there is nothing that weakens my knees like standing on the starting blocks at one end of a long course meters pool.  I (mostly) don't do the other dumb things anymore... but I still get on those starting blocks.  I still feel my stomach turn to water.  Nothing is as intimidating (for me) as looking down the length of that 50m.  Conversely, there ain't nothing that thrills me more.  I feel like "I don't belong here" and "this is who I am".  I worry that everyone else standing on the blocks alongside me will know that "I can't do this" and at the same time I know that "I am going to kick all of your asses".  Fear and insecurity are juxtaposed with confidence and swagger on a starting block.  The faster the pool and bigger the swim meet - the louder the dichotomy tilts between the opposites, ringing like a bell.  It is only in that endless nanosecond when Quasimodo stops pulling on the bell rope and the starter's horn sounds that I find all of it washes away.  When I hit that water only the race matters.  

Today I took the plunge and went all in on the 2012 US Master Swimming Nationals swimming meet.  It is in Omaha, Nebraska 5 July through 8 July.  I bought my airline ticket, my hotel room, and my registration for the meet.  I will be swimming 50m/100m/200m butterfly, as well as the 400m free.  I have two months to get ready it.  To be real, I have two months to be ready for the 200m butterfly.  Four lengths of oxygen deprived hell.  In a pool twice the length of what I typically train in.  Four lengths that, at present, I can not not do.  I'll do it.  But I am not going there to finish it.  I am going there to compete in it.  I am in it to win even when I probably can't.  

I am going there to stand on those blocks and make the folks on either side of me think "shit, that is John Beck. I am in big trouble here."  I am going there because (strange and unreasonable as it may sound) I think I can win.  At an intellectual level I know that I can't win.  Hell, an old Clarion team mate, Ross Davis, will be in the same event and I know that he can mop up the deck with me!  To be honest, when I am on the blocks - I am always there to win.

I think that might be the key to achievement in athletics and in life.  I wish I could say that I brought that ethic to every aspect of my life.  I try to, but I often fall short.  That does not mean that we need to be cut-throat or unkind, or even aggressive.  It means that in the pool, in the gym, on the bike, with your family and friends - you need to be "all in".  Half measures achieve nothing but half results.

When I fly away to Omaha, Nebraska this July.  I will be there to win.  Even if I can't.  Wish me luck.